Saturday, December 21, 2019

Go left at Titty Hill for Beaver Close…Rob Gill takes us on a tour of Britain’s rudest road names – The Sun

BRITAIN is littered with rude road names at odds with our woke times.

Places like BELL END, MINGE LANE and CUMMING STREET are a bit of a giggle to most of us.

But can you imagine the upset they must cause snowflakes? It’s enough to make them vomit keema all over their vegan shoes.

So before these poor little lambs try to censor our smutty streets — as surely they will — we thought we’d celebrate them while we can and do a dummy run for Santa.

Even the big fella must have a good laugh when he’s delivering a train set to little Jimmy in BUTTHOLE LANE.

So what’s the closest thing to Santa’s sleigh?

That’d be a red Caterham Seven with no mod cons or airbags, just flimsy doors and headroom of about 62 miles.

First stop, BEAVER CLOSE in Horsham where a yummy mummy pulled up in her black Range Rover Evoque to ask if we were collecting charity gifts.

No, luv, but I’d happily take your phone number.

We struggled to find a sign for TITTY HILL — apparently it keeps getting stolen and the council is fed-up of replacing it.

Key Facts

CATERHAM SEVEN 360R

Price:£29,990

Engine: 2-litre petrol

Power: 180bhp

0-62mph:4.8secs

Top speed:130mph

Weight:580kg

Our 170-mile road trip also took in LICKFOLD, COCKING, BALLS GREEN and JUGGS CLOSE before ending up at UPPER DICKER, avoiding all ring roads.

Now I must confess this is not the car I’d choose for dicing with HGVs on the A27. And it doesn’t much like town centre speed humps, either.

But put this dollop of British eccentricity in its natural habitat — on a B-road — and it is bloody wonderful. Intoxicating. But cold.

There’s something to be said about watching the front wheels turn in rhythm with the road. Then there’s the engine. It sounds the nuts.

This 360R is powered by a 2-litre naturally-aspirated Ford Duratec engine that sends 180bhp to the rears via a five-speed manual.

Trust me, for a car weighing little more than a chocolate selection box, that’s plenty. It’ll bang out the 0-60mph sprint in 4.8 seconds.

The other beautiful thing about a Caterham is that you can save a few quid by getting the spanners out and building your own.

The complete kit is £29,990, £3,395 cheaper than having Caterham make one for you.

But be warned: The extras soon add up. This test car was fitted with £11,000 of options including windscreen and vinyl hood. Yes, the windscreen is an option.

You’ll definitely want the R pack which adds limited slip differential, sports suspension and Momo steering wheel. As my old girl would say, if you’re gonna be a bear, be a grizzly.

I’ll finish with a random fact. Chris Rea owns a Caterham and maybe, just maybe, he’s in it somewhere right now . . . Driving Home For Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone.

…AND HERE'S 10 FESTIVE STREET NAMES

Holly Street

Rudolph Road

Tinsel Lane

Bethlehem Street

Noel Road

Angel Lane

Christmas Pie Avenue

Christmas Street

Myrrh Street

Star Road

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